a few months ago, I saw a story on tumblr. I can’t remember the exact post so I can’t
link it here, but I remember it was a story from a reader who commented on a
fanfic that hadn’t been updated in years.
the writer of this story got so excited that someone was still reading,
they started updating again.
a wonderful story, of course. good for the writer, who found motivation for
an old work and validation in the reader who loved it. and good for the reader, to have received this
surprise gift. but the story bothered
me, like a nudge in the gut, when I read it, and has bothered me more in the
months since.
here’s the thing: this story was being touted as a shining
example. “look, comment on fics!” the
moral went. “the writers are so starved
for the validation, they’ll do literally anything for you!” that attitude is one I see increasingly in text
posts and tweet threads and the like, practically begging readers to throw all
their support at us writers, saying, writers need notes, need kudos, need
comments. this validation is why we
write, these arguments go. we’d have no
motivation without it.
this attitude is one that strikes me as increasingly
dangerous. not for fandom as a whole so
much, but for writers themselves. if
writers, especially younger writers, writers most vulnerable to these types of “voice
of god” diatribes, get this mentality that they are worthless if nobody reads
them, it becomes so easy to lose hope.
it becomes so easy to say, well, this one got no notes, no readers
begging for more, so I should just stop trying.
and on the flipside, that attitude makes it easy to get tied
into a work that isn’t actually interesting or creatively fulfilling or just
plain making the writer happy. just
because it’s getting notes, views, comments, the logic says, it must continue.
but here’s the thing: fic writing is not retail. you don’t need to sell a brand to get your
work out there – ao3 and ffnet and any other site on which you might want to
publish are all as open to you as they are to some big name fan. that’s one of the beauties of fanfic, to
start with. your foot is already in the
door; you don’t need to cater to anyone besides yourself to get published. or: the reader is not the priority. the writer
is the priority. (except for gifts and
fic commissions, but those are subjects for other essays.)
to paraphrase rainer maria rilke: to truly become a writer,
one must look deep into one’s soul and inquire of oneself: MUST I WRITE? if I were unable to express my inner self in
the written medium, would I perish? (letters to a young poet, p. 16 in my norton
1954 edition.)
rilke is rather melodramatic about it. my interpretation, and my lesson to young
writers, is: ask yourself, DOES THIS MAKE ME HAPPY?
not will it get me
attention, not will it please this
fandom, but does it feel worthy of my
time, my skills, the piece of my soul that will go into it? your first audience, before you publish your
work anywhere and get feedback from anyone, is yourself. for most writers, in fact, your primary
audience for at least half of your work is yourself – because, come on, none of
us have good track records for finishing our wips. thus, if you’re not pleasing yourself by
exploring characters or worlds or literary themes that you enjoy (or by getting
paid at the end of the word doc) whatever you’re writing is not worthy of your
talents or your time.
and here’s the other thing: you’ll probably need to write
for a couple of years before you’re actually good at it. I don’t mean to
discourage anyone here, just to be realistic; writing, like any other craft,
takes practice. very few
people put up a very first fic on ao3 and immediately get 1,000 kudos, and
those who do have probably been writing an original fantasy series since they
were seven. why do you think all the
best porn is written by people over the age of thirty? this
shit takes experience. and if you’re
refreshing your ao3 page every ten minutes, agonizing over every single comment
and every single tumblr note, calling yourself worthless every time you don’t
hit some magic hits/kudos ratio, you’ll never want to actually do the work that
will get you that experience. a lack of
validation is only reason to lose heart if the work meant nothing to your
personal satisfaction in the first place.
I have been writing fic for almost eight years. in that time, I’ve had widely popular fics
and widely unpopular ones, in a whole host of fandoms. and to be honest, much as my horrible lizard
brain craves validation, some of my absolute favorite works are the ones that
got no notes. because I know that those
fics are the ones I wrote truly for myself.
they are the most creatively satisfying.
they are the works that make me happy.
(and, a rarepair writer secret: those fics are also often
the ones that get the absolute best comments.
when you prioritize writing what you love, it
shows.)
rilke, at one point, was so poor that he could not even buy
his own books (letters to a young poet,
p. 25). and yet today, he is lauded as
one of the best german-language writers of all time. just because you are not getting validation
right now doesn’t mean you are not learning and growing as a writer. if you find what you’re passionate about and
write from the heart, someday, you will find someone who shares your passions –
it’s one of the beauties of the internet that you don’t need a publishing
contract to find that other person. all
you need is the self-confidence to write your piece and the bravery to hit post.
I don’t want to speak for all writers. not everyone is a literary theory-spouting
weirdo like I am who sometimes wants to lock herself in a cabin in the woods
and turn off wifi for a month just because she’d get so much done.
some people write fic as a coping mechanism. some do it to make money, or as a stepping
stone into a professional writing career.
some need validation to truly be happy.
I only want to speak for myself, to voice my concerns, and to ask any
writer (or any content creator reading this, really): does it make you happy?
you do not owe the commenter anything. you owe yourself
everything.
if you don’t know the difference between a hare and a rabbit you’ve never gazed into the cold wild eyes of a hare and known that if it could speak it would speak backwards
Jack Rabbits are North American Hares and they’re the WORST to encounter at night becuase:
You all know how big a rabbit is. Jack Rabbits and hares are much bigger. they’re the size of large cats or small dogs or just-walking-age children.
They also like to hang out in gangs of a hlf dozen to over 30.
and in the middle of backcountry dirt roads.
perhaps they’re dustbathing
or blood sacrifce
I don’t know because when you come up the road at night because your dog has a tiny bladder and needs to go out at midnight and you have no yard so you’re walking him on the dirt road around your neighborhod because you might aw well get some stargazing in, and you come just over the ridge to see a coven of twenty jackrabbits in the middle of the road
and
they
all
stand
up
not just onto all fours like a proper prey animal
No they get up on thier hind legs and don’t just sit but STAND like tiny rabbit-skinned toddlers, wobbing slightly as they stare directly at you eyes shining in your flashlight’s glow
…Blood Red.
And a chill goes through you on that warm july night because while they’re a puntable size and allegedly herbivores they’re standing and watching you just like people and you are vastly outnumbered.
everyone freezes
you’re considering your odds aganst roughly 200lbs of Suspiciously Humanoid Hare
and they’re considering their odds against you
the only sound in the never-ending high desert wind
somewhere in your peripheral vision you can see the streetlights but they seem awfully far away
The nearest Jack Rabbit
Blinks
and takes a single shuffling step
forward
You area an overdevloped monkey and your prefrontal cortex is capable of some amazing feats but it runs very slowly compared to the reflexes of a rabbit and you’re frozen as you desperately scramble for the appropriate course of action, hands feeling thick and useless, mouth dry and feet imeasurably heavy there’s no way you’d outrun THESE, god there’s a rabies outbreak going around that shit’s not curable-
The Dog
L U N G E S
It’s only the briefest of movements but the animal you’d picked out for his gangly legs and floppy ears and goofy smile is suddenly a dark shape of muscle and teeth and had flung himself at the horrible goblin rabbits faster than mere physics should dictate, appearing in the circle of the flashlight for only the briefest of moments before the jolt from the leash makes you stumble and the light falters
The Jack Rabbits
Scatter
Vanishing into the faintly starlit sagebrush in as so many faint gray shapes that might be mistaken for the dustclouds they kick up
Later, you sit on the couch disquieted
and you wonder
If the sight of the Jack Rabbits standing and studying you was frightening enough to make you yearn for the safety of the yellowed streetlights
what must it be like from thier end?
what terrifying creature
deliberately ties itself
to something so horrible
As a Dog?
@gallusrostromegalus that last bit gave me such a strong mental image I absolutely had to draw it
WELL HOLY SHIT.
CONGRATULATE, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
is it ok if I print it out and stick it on the fridge?
Well this zoomed past 100K while I wasn’t looking but here’s a Picture of Charleston Chew, Terror of Wild Hares and Sometimes Bears:
Not saying Tumblr has no real gauge for the human aging process but they honestly think 15-year-olds can’t have anything bigger than a B-cup and 30-year-olds should have wrinkles or else they’re “too young-looking” and start making theories about celebrities being immortal when they see a white person who doesn’t “age like milk”
Tumblr does have no gauge for the human aging process though. They never go outside and look at actual varities of people. So many of these tumblr types don’t go out and see actual people or go and do model drawing with art classes.
Tumblr’s Understanding of Aging
Under 18: You are a child. You have no concept of anything. Your body is frail and your mind cannot handle anything. In fact, your brain is so lacking in function that anyone telling you to be responsible in any way is actually abusing you.
18-19: You have immeasurable responsibility. You are fully developed adult and you should know everything by now. Anyone challenging you is probably a horrible person or trying to abuse you because they don’t recognize you’re an adult. Also, because you’re a fully responsible adult who is completely prepared for the world, any mistake you make will ruin you.
20-29: You should probably have a job, house, and family. Being on tumblr is weird and you shouldn’t post any of your opinions because you’re too pathetic to have a real full life. Unless you have the right opinions, then you’re a perfect genius.
Over 29: You should not be on tumblr. You’re an adult being savaged by the sands of time. Your body is frail and covered in wrinkles and death. Everything you think is irrelevant. You’re so old that everything you saw as a child is completely and totally outdated. If you even talk to a child you’re either an abuser or pedophile.
If you don’t feel like actually writing, prepare for writing:
Open your WIP Word doc
Read the last page again
Scribble notes on what happens next
Once you’ve done this, you might just find yourself wanting to continue after all. And if you don’t, no worries. You’ve made it easier to jump back into it later.
This always works for me! Really good advice!
I do this to get into the writing mood. I can tell myself: “I don’t have to write, no pressure. Look, I’m not writing, this isn’t writing.”
Commission for saltyshiro, for their fic ‘the peace-weaver’! It’s an amazing fic and I’m absolutely honored to paint something for it. Please give it a read ♥
This is available as a print (and other apparel) on Redbubble and society6!
the truth is out there, and its in the heart of downtown toronto
what the actual fuck
this is toronto’s cultural pride and joy and it is slowly being consumed by an alien spacecraft
A significant portion of the city looks like this actually. Toronto’s aesthetic seems to be “real old buildings being devoured by real new buildings.” And like sometimes you have houses that look like a 12 year old’s first minecraft build sorta jammed between Victorian era stone houses it’s real fuckin weird
I feel like ocad and the ago should be added to this because holy shit toronto’s buildings are weird as fuck
THESE LOOK LIKE VIDEO GAME GLITCHES ARE WE SURE TORONTO ISN’T SECRETLY A GIANT GLITCH IN THE MATRIX??
I'm a philosopher, a loving partner to my husband, and Gweargroal on FFnet and Ao3. I used to have eating disorders and depression. Here will be some stuff that I find interesting, will it be my own stuff or reblogged one.
Feel free to ask questions.
Anonymous said: How fic writers who write English as a second language have courage to go and just publish?! I sit on around 33000 words, mostly grammatically betaed by a native speaker even, and I'm still paralyzed by fear. Because I'm still not as good as when...well, you get the drill.
In 2019, we take a deep breath and post anyway! Fic doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to tell a story.
