This is where I was for the last months
I’m sorry for being away for a while, I had to clear things up in my head. I’m getting back on my feet, and I’m slowly trying to understand what are my options in life again.
I spent the last months wondering on why I shouldn’t end up my life, and I haven’t found a clear answer yet. Still, just as it went around last time, I’m giving myself time to feel better, because I know that killing myself isn’t the definitive answer to my existential questionning. A part of me is still saying that it is, and this door is still not close, I know it.
Somehow, I suppose that my life is worth something in some way. I can’t say, but I’m trying to understand it.
It must sound weird to some of you, even to myself, considering that everything is going well around me. But in my mind, it’s not easy. It’s just, I couldn’t see any values in life anymore, I forgot what it was to be happy. Since a year I just pushed the problems around, thinking that if I just didn’t think about it it’ll be better. But it doesn’t work that way, at least, not for me.
I don’t know for how long I’m going to be alright; I must say that I wish it’ll last for a while. In the last days, I laughed again. It had been so long since I hadn’t laugh like this. I’m finally seeing what it was to be happy again.
I’ll get back on my projects in time, and as things will get better, I should be back on Tumblr.
Please take care of yourself, and never hesitate when you feel bad to talk to someone. Because going through a depression alone is not enough.
I hope you are all doing well. Love you.